Shine Your Light I Sexual Enlightenment
These poems written by Gretchen Blycker are offered as an exploration of various human experiences and convey expressions of inner emotions, sexual feelings, and relational dynamics that our verbal codes and contexts of language are often insufficient to capture with accuracy. The poems are informed by the collective stories of over 1,000 people, including students and clients who have shared their celebrations, struggles, pain, and healing journeys with Gretchen.
The themes explored include: sexual enlightenment, cultural enlightenment, healing from sexual harm, problematic sexual behaviors, and mindful connected communication in relationships. To access the poems below, on the right side of each title click on the + (plus sign) to open the poem and click on the - (minus sign) to close the poem. Throughout the poems, feel free to click on the hyperlinked words to access peer-reviewed research and other resources that explore the content themes.
Another suggestion, if you choose to read or listen to selected audio versions of these poems, is that you do so while mindfully observing what arises in you as you take in the information.
The themes explored include: sexual enlightenment, cultural enlightenment, healing from sexual harm, problematic sexual behaviors, and mindful connected communication in relationships. To access the poems below, on the right side of each title click on the + (plus sign) to open the poem and click on the - (minus sign) to close the poem. Throughout the poems, feel free to click on the hyperlinked words to access peer-reviewed research and other resources that explore the content themes.
Another suggestion, if you choose to read or listen to selected audio versions of these poems, is that you do so while mindfully observing what arises in you as you take in the information.
- Be curious about your reactions.
- What resonates, what doesn’t?
- If you could change parts of the words, messages, perspectives, dynamics, metaphors, etc. to be more in alignment with you, how and what would you change?
- What is familiar or foreign?
- Are there any memories or images that are evoked for you? Are there any new or different perceptions or perspectives that you identify?
- Can you practice imagining yourself in any of the masculine/feminine perspectives from which the different voices in the poems speak?
- Please feel free to change the gender of the pronouns; the intention is not to be heteronormative or gender-limiting, but inclusive and honoring of individual differences.
- Process information from your inner world through art, music, movement, journaling, storytelling...use your voice to express your poetry.
Sexual Enlightenment
An Awakened Aphrodite
Poem about the enlightened expression of the feminine, anima, yin, or dakini tantric practitioner.
An Awakened Aphrodite
Brings wisdom to the wild Sacred to the sexy Dharma to all drama An Awakened Aphrodite knows Nirvana and ecstasy And is not beguiled by the trappings of Delusion, illusion, or fantasy An Awakened Aphrodite does not use sexuality to exploit another Sexual expression is informed by compassion and is free of manipulation Sexuality is offered as a gift to be shared Not as a commodity to be paid for, sold…or taken An Awakened Aphrodite honors her own and Others’ boundaries and commitments She doesn't tease, push, or play in ways that may create harm She is honest She has a purity of light and heart that informs her playful wildness She is generous She delights in the shining of other goddesses She is not poisoned by the spirit of competition or comparison She does not take from others An Awakened Aphrodite allows the erotic To move through her She radiates love She speaks truth from her heart She directs light to choice and freedom For the out of control or enslaved She demands a safe and loving play space And presence is the key to access the garden of pleasure She is intimately familiar with the landscape of her body Yet, she continues her discovery of pathways of pleasure Again and again and again With each new experience She finds bliss in the dance of giving and receiving She is masculine and feminine She is power and grace An Awakened Aphrodite is Love ~Gretchen Blycker |
An Awakened Adonis
Poem about the enlightened expression of the masculine, animus, yang, or daka tantric practitioner.
An Awakened Adonis
Draws deep from within His purpose fueled vision That serves not only him He’s devoted and focused Uniting the powers of both his Beautiful body and mind To serve his most loving desires He knows how to surrender The armor he wears As he lets another in He’s not ruled by his fears An Awakened Adonis Consults his heart’s knowing Assures safety before acting And leaves another glowing His eroticism is love-minded And his touch is like magic That both melts and arouses Pure pleasure- (nothing tragic…!) His desire is not unbridled Nor uncoupled from his heart But is focused, free, and flowing Through all his sentient parts His outgoing energy penetrates deeply inside Reaching the place where Holy presides He finds peace in his pleasure And a love here together An Awakened Adonis Knows true courage Comes not from defending But instead from truth telling An Awakened Adonis Can be gentle, can be strong Can be EVERYTHING… No emotion is rendered to be wrong An Awakened Adonis Derives delight in connection In the flow of the give and receive When he ceases his chase, and opens instead He finds this is where joy is conceived ~Gretchen Blycker |
THE LIGHT WITHIN THIS HOME
Poem about mind/body/spirit connection and practicing skillful mindful connected sex.
One of my favorite things about this physical world
Is this body I own I continue to learn and practice how to live within In order to care for my sacred human home. My body is my temporary house- A vehicle, and interactive communicator My body is rich with information and sensation, Which requires direct in-the-moment interpretation My body keeps me grounded, present, and engaged With all that is happening NOW Although-(admittedly), it’s also quite easy for My mind to wander and allow… My thoughts to travel to an imagined future… Or return back to a troublesome past…! Thoughts can run WILD, which is precisely why, I return my focus to feeling my body, which is steadfast My experiences include my body and mind, Although they also transcend them too I learn much by feeling into all of me, And extend my awareness to feel into you anew From this expansive place of presence We each sense the light within I can see and feel your warmth illuminating From the central core of your being You know not to mistake my body For the totality of me You see and feel my light within And somehow this allows us to be free In our together exploration of pleasurable connection When you learn to see the light within I feel safe to welcome you in ~Gretchen Blycker |
THIS MEETING PLACE
Poem about tantric sexual meditation practice.
Lover, take my hand
Walk with me To the edges of this land Towards the erotic sea Where we are made of energy Of yours, of mine And all a part of a connection that is Love Divine This brings us deeper Into a warm rushing flow That travels through me And into you as I let go You bring your lips to mine And I welcome you in As you blanket Your love around me Feel and listen to how Our bodies press and talk... Slide and glide… From caressing on the surface to Going deep, deep inside… Where we find a river To dive right in As we travel in this flow That we feel when we both let go I find my way to dive into you And open to you diving into me too I am deeply grateful for this meeting place That is at the interface Of where heaven meets earth below ~Gretchen Blycker |
INNER SANCTUM
Poem about a lifetime journey of exploration and learning through the inherent suffering natural to human experiences, choosing a path of meditation and mindfulness, and discovery of spiritual realms through sacred sexuality.
My inner sanctum
Took me years to discover Because it required me to recover And heal my abandoned And wounded parts In my journey of healing and wholeness I traveled through the mazes of my mind Puzzled at times about which path to take That would lead me to the light And not, to my True-Self forsake Chose a couple of Dead end routes And learned much Along the way… My journey took me places where I could collect many life lessons From which I extracted knowledge Regarding things that I did not learn about in college This became wisdom Imprinted on my soul And year by year Allowed myself to grow I survived through the Long Dark Night And made my way to the Land of the midnight sun I meditated step by step through A labyrinth whose path Would lead me to this goal… To the inner sanctum and Home for my soul You have traveled Your own unique path that Brought you here to A gift that we both share- Our soul-filled love affair Now we give each other maps To the routes that take us Here to the antechamber Of love’s sacred door To enter into the inner sanctum Where we connect through Sacred and love inspired sex Energy circles through me And back into you… In this inner sanctum, we share love’s grace That exists beyond time and space ~Gretchen Blycker |
ANCIENT MEMORY
Poem about sacred sexuality, the ego’s self-preserving mission of control, and the wisdom from mystery schools throughout the ages.
Have you heard the persistent whisperings
Arising from echoes of ancient memory? They came through to me as a melodic cacophony As I was held in buoyancy in the Dead Sea We have been imprinted to link The sacred with our sexuality, Though it’s quite easy to get confused and tangled up With our urges and cravings from neurobiology Our egos can take our physical bodies For a neurochemical joy ride Producing a sexually seductive natural high Yet~ Without our connection to the Divine We lose our light filled way Here is a time-honored truth: Grasping onto a spark of perceived joy And treating others as if they are a toy Will only create a pathway to eventual pain This ethereal light cannot be captured Stolen, devoured, or owned Try as one may - It will only lead to distortion And not to equanimity in any kind of way No one can hypnotize, mesmerize, tantalize, Or connive their way to the heavens That will never be the way The way is a sacred path, A love lit path, A gentle path That opens to the far reaches of the universe Surrender this egoic grasp For power and control And you will see that you are a wave In the oceanic seas of humanity A part of the WHOLE An expression of the DIVINE Our small mind is limited And our divine mind is EVERYTHING Know the difference and open to this mystery Of freedom found in ancient memory ~Gretchen Blycker |
Primordial mother
I experienced a primal wound
And in a state of child-like powerlessness
I lifted my bow and selected my arrow
From the quiver of heart-hurting pain
The poison I placed on the tip
Morphed from hurt into hate
From a confused state
Of abandonment and fear
I found that if I projected my anger
At the source of my pain
I would access energy to deal
With the perceived enemy
And the perpetrator of chaos in
My nine-year old brain
He infiltrated the sacred boundaries
Of the circle of love that I knew
And stole from the family crown
Our one and only Mother jewel
As she was praying 🙏
He was preying 👀🏹
And laying out a plan
Of deceit, deception and
The abuse of trust
From our entire clan
Gaslighting occurred
As he planted the seeds
For her to distrust herself-
Those around her and
To only make gospel his word
He saw her radiant light
And he wanted to possess it
He experienced her magical touch
And he became quite drunk off it
He felt her loving nurturing spirit
And he sought to corral it
To serve only his self-centered motives
That would flare up in anger
If she would dare to share
Her abundant loving nature with others
She was possessed
And the chains of her entrapment
Were not visible to most others
The bonds of her enslavement
Were not the kind that you see
They’re the kind that causes slight insanity
And a misrepresentation of clear reality
It happens in a syndrome
That is named after Stockholm
And in various contorted entanglements
That confuse one’s inner worth
By attaching it to their captor’s mirth
As they see their enslaver as their savior
Now the story has played out
And the Mother jewel he flew away with
Has ended her time on this earth
May She be free,
May She be free
To radiate as sparkling light divine
Unencumbered by life’s confusing
Mazes and storms which created an illusion
That only appeared to dim Love’s Eternal Shine
Some sort of spell-like confusion
Seems to be lifting…
The clearing of the fog is revealing…
That the primal abandonment wound
I have attached to my story
Is not one that began after she left
The origin of the separation myth
Happened in a confused time
Somewhere dark and deep in the human mind
There is ultimate unity that transcends
The ego-centrality of the limited
Human brain’s perceptions and memory
That inform this false belief
Of separateness and duality
Which is the source of much pain here on earth
Spiritual cosmology
Supports non-duality
And living with awareness
Of the inherent divinity that sparks
Our radiant life-force energy
And connects us all to the
Primordial Mother Totality
This awareness may help heal
My fractured mind and ever searching soul
With the orientation that I am already whole
I can now loosen my grasp on this distorted goal
That I need something outside of me
That would fill a “missing-mother-hole”
We have never been disconnected
From the Primordial Mother Source Divine
Seeds of forgiveness are planted
And grow from my heart as I let go
And allow past quivers of hurt and pain
To be healed, soothed,
And softened, to regain an
Awareness of the vast expanse of
Cosmic Mother’s Love
That sparks the dance
Of all that is manifest
From which we can learn to see and
Draw from to support us in
Awakening from this ego-minded trance
As for the perceived enemy
And thief of the Mother jewel?
I have no judgment of him to rule
And I respect the operating laws of
Dharma and karma as
I choose to let go of my inner drama
Acknowledging this truth
And practicing forgiveness
Doesn’t negate the impact of this
Early-life wounding attachment-trauma
It does however offer the salve
Of the healing truth of Unity
That includes and transcends
Our mind/body/spirit totality
With diamond-like indestructible wisdom
That cuts through the illusion
And misperception that we
Exist as completely separate entities
The eternal truth in this matter
Is that we are all connected
Beyond the physical
To our mater, the universal source
Our shared Primordial Mother
~Gretchen Blycker
And in a state of child-like powerlessness
I lifted my bow and selected my arrow
From the quiver of heart-hurting pain
The poison I placed on the tip
Morphed from hurt into hate
From a confused state
Of abandonment and fear
I found that if I projected my anger
At the source of my pain
I would access energy to deal
With the perceived enemy
And the perpetrator of chaos in
My nine-year old brain
He infiltrated the sacred boundaries
Of the circle of love that I knew
And stole from the family crown
Our one and only Mother jewel
As she was praying 🙏
He was preying 👀🏹
And laying out a plan
Of deceit, deception and
The abuse of trust
From our entire clan
Gaslighting occurred
As he planted the seeds
For her to distrust herself-
Those around her and
To only make gospel his word
He saw her radiant light
And he wanted to possess it
He experienced her magical touch
And he became quite drunk off it
He felt her loving nurturing spirit
And he sought to corral it
To serve only his self-centered motives
That would flare up in anger
If she would dare to share
Her abundant loving nature with others
She was possessed
And the chains of her entrapment
Were not visible to most others
The bonds of her enslavement
Were not the kind that you see
They’re the kind that causes slight insanity
And a misrepresentation of clear reality
It happens in a syndrome
That is named after Stockholm
And in various contorted entanglements
That confuse one’s inner worth
By attaching it to their captor’s mirth
As they see their enslaver as their savior
Now the story has played out
And the Mother jewel he flew away with
Has ended her time on this earth
May She be free,
May She be free
To radiate as sparkling light divine
Unencumbered by life’s confusing
Mazes and storms which created an illusion
That only appeared to dim Love’s Eternal Shine
Some sort of spell-like confusion
Seems to be lifting…
The clearing of the fog is revealing…
That the primal abandonment wound
I have attached to my story
Is not one that began after she left
The origin of the separation myth
Happened in a confused time
Somewhere dark and deep in the human mind
There is ultimate unity that transcends
The ego-centrality of the limited
Human brain’s perceptions and memory
That inform this false belief
Of separateness and duality
Which is the source of much pain here on earth
Spiritual cosmology
Supports non-duality
And living with awareness
Of the inherent divinity that sparks
Our radiant life-force energy
And connects us all to the
Primordial Mother Totality
This awareness may help heal
My fractured mind and ever searching soul
With the orientation that I am already whole
I can now loosen my grasp on this distorted goal
That I need something outside of me
That would fill a “missing-mother-hole”
We have never been disconnected
From the Primordial Mother Source Divine
Seeds of forgiveness are planted
And grow from my heart as I let go
And allow past quivers of hurt and pain
To be healed, soothed,
And softened, to regain an
Awareness of the vast expanse of
Cosmic Mother’s Love
That sparks the dance
Of all that is manifest
From which we can learn to see and
Draw from to support us in
Awakening from this ego-minded trance
As for the perceived enemy
And thief of the Mother jewel?
I have no judgment of him to rule
And I respect the operating laws of
Dharma and karma as
I choose to let go of my inner drama
Acknowledging this truth
And practicing forgiveness
Doesn’t negate the impact of this
Early-life wounding attachment-trauma
It does however offer the salve
Of the healing truth of Unity
That includes and transcends
Our mind/body/spirit totality
With diamond-like indestructible wisdom
That cuts through the illusion
And misperception that we
Exist as completely separate entities
The eternal truth in this matter
Is that we are all connected
Beyond the physical
To our mater, the universal source
Our shared Primordial Mother
~Gretchen Blycker
Cultural Enlightenment
THINGS IM TOLD
Poem about pornography informed sexual scripts and learnings from ancient practices of tantric sexual yoga and meditation.
I’m told wanting
Generous doses of Love with my sex Makes me vanilla And boring And not so adventurous I’m told not to worry About violence creeping And crawling through online scenes As it spreads and sows its seeds Transforming our glorious sexuality I’m told I’m too sensitive And I don’t understand What men Long to see- Though it doesn’t seem to matter What it might do to me I’m told my mind is way too narrow And sterilizing-ly clean If I bring my lens to what some deem “Exciting sex” And to me- it’s honestly obscene And makes my body cringe and close In response to the imagery seen on the screen I’m told I’m SO Victorian And an uptight outright prude If my eyes open wide When I see things that Make me want to hide- And not eat from fruit Grown from seeds of Disrespect and rape That are populating our Most intimate landscape I’m told that my pleasure Is not that important That my role has better things in store I’m told that others’ wants Trump my symphony of desires So instead, I’m given a score And am rated on a scale Of how well I do At making myself something That is pleasurable to you In my lifetime I’ve done a lot of listening So now, allow me to tell you Something from a Source of divine sexual awakening From this ancient and wise source, I’m told; That Love is a powerful force And if we water our seeds of Sexual desire with love- Pleasure, health, mutual care and Respect spring forth I’m told when we tend Our gardens this way We bring shared ecstasy and Unending pleasures to our play Because it turns out, that Love is what surges within As waves of pure bliss Roll through my body With each loving kiss I’m told that there is Endless knowledge and mystery That went underground For periods of our His-story I’m told if we make Our sexual world safe We will wake up To a knowing That keeps ALL of us glowing I’m told we are free To explore the Mystery As awakened beings Bringing love To our sexuality ~Gretchen Blycker |
AGAIN, WE RISE
Poem about scapegoating as a strategy throughout history for silencing and terrorizing others into submission.
The hot waves of fear
Shake me to my core Creating a trembling which Reaches into the intricate Threadlike fibers of my being My insides flip and change In response to the outside Where kind, soft, warm eyes Now ice over, recoil And see me As the new ENEMY I’m being burned and blamed A lightning rod for others’ Anger, fear, and pain They scapegoat and shame Yet the phoenix energy persists And again, we rise from the ashes ~Gretchen Blycker |
SITTING IN JUDGEMENT
Poem about how women’s judgement of themselves and each other contributes to cultural, intrapersonal, and interpersonal problems.
She says she has dirt on me-
That she’d be excited to share Though she may not realize That others might not really care Please feel free to send along This message when next you see her: I’m happy to share more Piles of dirt on me So, she can spread it around To anyone she might see If that’s what lights her up… It’s not really a bother to me I usually use the dirt I create And put it in a big compost pile For it to sit out in the sun and marinate… Then I work with the rich earthy elements To transform them into Learning from life’s many lessons I spread this gold-like soil around My gardens- From which glorious growth abounds I’m happy to share my dirt with her Though I’m not sure if her spreading it around Might produce the same beautiful ground? Perhaps she could try to repurpose her own And tend to her garden if she cares To step away from her throne? ~Gretchen Blycker |
SOUL-FILLED HUMAN BEINGS
Poem about the felt and lived experiences of boundary violations enabled by objectification culture.
I don't want to be “attractive”
Is that at all surprising? To understand me, just recall a Felt sense of fear in you arising How does your body show you When your boundary has been crossed? Does your skin crawl? Does your heart pound? Do you feel safe here at all? There were many years before this that The world seemed much more friendly I felt more open and had trust in people aplenty However, as I grew… I noticed some eyes took on an altered view Some eyes seem to scan Up and down over parts of me Although their eyes follow Over the contours they see I never feel they realize the Whole of me What at first seems like a blessing Then turns out to be a curse When the blessing becomes like a Bulls eye targeting you for the potential worst This is the kind of attention that Alerts you to know that you are prey The hungry gaze might be used to intimidate And is possibly a preamble to violate It seems that eyes that wander From a place of bottomless hunger Are blind to boundaries And might not know love or peace I fear if I let my happiness show There may be some who interpret this glow And friendliness as an invitation to dinner, Specifically- an open door to DINE ON ME NO, I don't want to be “attractive” And attract the likes of that. So, from a place deep within An inner voice screams, “No!” I don't want to be “attractive” And be misunderstood That my looks or my light Are an invitation Rolling out the red carpet For your private delight Don't feast those eyes on me I'm not for others’ consumption I am a soul-filled human being Don’t reduce or confuse me With pixelated images seen on a screen I’m a soul-filled human being ~Gretchen Blycker |
SORRY, NOT SORRY- TIME'S UP
Poem about cultural mores throughout history, how image-based obsessions lead to disconnection, gender-based harassment and violence, and how we are awakening a collective consciousness as evidenced through Me Too, Time’s Up and more.
I’d like to bring up a topic that
Might trigger some sensations That often get a bad name And show up inside as Discomfort, guilt or shame… The topic here is SEX And the cultural mores Regarding what we are being shown That we should expect to be part of Everyone’s hand in this sexual game I hear some people talk about their “body count” And how this dating scene is like a “field of war” Where people fill themselves with others “likes” And numbers of “followers” as a way of keeping score Somehow sex is being equated with Watching online what others have done In another place and time… I wonder if this obsession with the kind of sex people see Is rendering us blind to our sexual totality When you separate your sexual focus Apart from your wise empathic heart In order to feed your curious mind Without a care from the shared place We all grow from at the start Things can be diverted To places you might not Even intend to ever go But then- there you are and Bit by bit, those places Become normalized- and new And exciting- all at the same time I wonder if you are aware there is another way? Although it would require keeping some old habits at bay… And working on learning how to Expand and open your mind To ancient practices and learnings From another place and time Are you open to expanding your beliefs? And loosening your grip on some habits? To allow space for a new experience of sexual states and status? If so, I’ll share with you some secrets And practices of skill and wisdom from the erotic arts You will learn to navigate desire from an enlightened place And you’ll discover that this impacts you and the world around you In profoundly positive and lasting ways Listen up- here is some truth: You hold in your grasp A mighty powerful tool That can be conditioned And nurtured to love and heal Or can be trained to be Un-empathic, selfish, and cruel You have choices, Therefore, you have consequences to bear When you choose to stay asleep And not wake up to care If you’re responding to this message With a defensive roll of your eyes, You just may be filtering this info Through veils of denial and distortion inside That conveniently enable your lifelong practices and views So- sorry, not sorry, if discomfort arises in you Being awake to inner discomfort is a necessity Why you ask? Because, We cannot create a safe world for All If some stay comfortably numb While others continue to fall To their knees In deep isolating pain So ultimately, it is a choice to allow Our open empathic soft heart To ache with another’s hurt and bane There is a collective consciousness that is rising Shining the light for us all to see This information seems to be causing Swells and surges in our sea of humanity That are rocking our boats and Contributing to feelings of uneasy instability Our deep dark ocean is merely bringing To the surface things that for millennia Have been choking the healthy life Of our shared human sexuality If now things feel quite Stormy, Perhaps this is to capture our attention So, sorry, not sorry, that the state of SEX Is brought up in our worry Awry for millennia Time’s Up to correct the imbalances And to redistribute power in fair and equitable ways We all benefit by checking in with our whole selves And assessing our feelings, beliefs, and behaviors About the sexual world we all share The pathway to working together to solve These World-Wide sexual problems Is to promote respect, care, inner sanctity And personal sexual sovereignty. We don’t have the luxury of maintaining Ignorance or a comfortable state of denial We will all ultimately be responsible For how successfully we address these World-Wide problems Which will determine our fate Sorry, not sorry- time’s up ~Gretchen Blycker |
Laid Bare
Poem about the cultural shaping of sexual roles and how, ultimately, objectified bodies are devalued and voyeuristic eyes are given power and are monetized by industry.
Positive messaging
Might contribute to a Subversive under-the-radar-route Where the encouragement of Sexual exhibitionism is being Touted as a shortcut to fame But is actually being used In a sleight of hand game From a magician’s bag of Tricks to expose us instead That has us choosing To drop our clothes Bare our souls And then think to ourselves that we Are the ones who are in control- How might we change this around So we are not the ones To be played like clowns? As those who are seen As having a job to entertain The masses Who give themselves The job Of rating… Our asses… Laid back in their chairs Basking in the glow of their screens Voyeuristic eyes are being commodified As our inner-worth is being modified Is this really sexuality glorified? ~Gretchen Blycker |
Obscuration of fear
Poem about tactics that some use to gain power over others and how awakening to non-dualism can create inner freedom.
Evoking fear
Can act like a prison It’s a wily manipulative power play For those who want others to only See things their own singular way Intimidation is an attempt to lay Out the invisible barbed wire To keep others below and at bay An attempt to prevent Connection to their own True authentic power That would slay Right through the illusion Of this gendered power play ~Gretchen Blycker |
Healing From Sexual Harm
VOICES AND CHOICES
Poem about how messaging to young girls may create vulnerabilities to abuse and boundary violations and how harm may be repaired with inner-child work, updating cultural messaging towards health and body autonomy can help heal.
I was taught to be nice
Then I learned how to fight When these didn’t work My body took over and took flight These are the lessons I learned as a girl Early in my life At first, my bark would precede my bite But I was told instead that Girls should use their ‘sweet inside voices’ This seemed to limit my choices And rendered me powerless To the gag tied around my mouth Do you know what it is like To have to pretend to be nice To the person who abuses power over you? Hoping this will coax him To change his mind and show him That it would be so kind If he wouldn’t mind- To please loosen his rope That carries out his vice Around your wrists and your ankles? NO- learn another way to respond him Niceties are NOT what you owe to him Culturally we need to hear and see The truth telling voices describing how he Is part of an outdated harmful system That allows some to achieve their goals By using their strength and their power To intimidate and silence other’s souls Our world will be healthy, balanced and whole When we all embody living in harmonious equality With an enlightened understanding of bodily autonomy ~Gretchen Blycker |
RADIANT SPIRIT RECOVERY
Poem about the unjust and impossible choices for survivors of sexual assault between experiencing victim blaming/slut shaming or soul dwindling silence, and how we need new pathways of support and positive changes.
Let’s explore the question of
Why sexual assault survivors often don’t speak up…? First- imagine yourself as the one Emerging from a trauma Where you had no voice or choice And only want to move forward Without any kind of drama Rather- you seek safer ground And healing and peace is What you want found As you are reeling in shock Staring at this fork in the road You see two pathways before you… The path of speaking up Leads you to encounter People who don’t believe you And forever seek to shame you They call you a liar And put you on trial Say you wear slutty clothes And actually- are the one causing Problems with all your lusty desire The other pathway you see Provides an escape to the deep Searing pain of unjust victim blame This path seems to shield from the harm Of post-trauma attack, from those Who would meet you in your most vulnerable State by stabbing you right in the back This pathway requires that you stay silent Because if you say anything about your pain The information gets sent on a runaway train That is powered by others’ whispers and voices And not managed by any of your inner feelings or choices So, in seeking to heal profound boundary violations The choice you have to try to regain some control Is to bury the trauma somewhere deep in your soul Each day by day, The path of swallowing your pain Seems to help you crawl towards some solid terrain Of promise that helps you to regain Inner agency needed to get you back on your feet again The cost of this short-sighted Self-preserving coping strategy Is that it starts to dwindle down Your radiant spirit and life-force energy These changes may be slow to grow And may go unnoticed by others until… Obvious evidence of problems that people see Are not even attributed to the original Breach of your boundaries What they see instead is: Your depressed and anxious mood… Your problematic relationship with food… Your poor performance at school or work… Or perhaps in your relationships, You’re told you’re behaving like a jerk… Looking at these two possible outcomes It’s no wonder people might not choose to Bare their vulnerable souls To report, share or disclose Neither path is a way to healing We need new pathways for our loved ones Who have experienced boundary violations Shaming them Blaming them Or making them invisible All serve to enable and Perpetuate this cultural problem We need to envelope our survivors with love, I believe you. How can I care for you? What do you need to have your inner experience Witnessed and addressed with the utmost tenderness, care and respect? Together we can create A whole new paradigm That is rooted in love and safety for our Mind-body radiant-spirit recovery ~Gretchen Blycker |
HEALING CONNECTION
Poem about the impact of sexual trauma, path of survivorship, healing, and wholeness.
How can 15 minutes of terror
Seem to affect my life forever? The power I feel was taken from me Seems elusive and mysterious As to where it can be? Does somebody else possess it? Can it be found? How can that trauma still affect me now So, that there are still times I don’t Feel safe and sound? I feel that I have gotten somewhat lost And perhaps a bit confused About what I need to feel safe and self-assured That I will not again be overpowered Against my own word I feel something has changed inside of me Based on what he did to me…? How could that be? Determined to free myself of this victim role I begin on a path of reconnection with myself as a goal And through my own mindfulness-based therapy I become more clear and learn to see That the source of the derailment that happened Originated as a profound boundary violation Which caused a leak in my field of energy That I need to be the one to repair With self-love, respect, and daily tender care It is a false belief and would be in vain If I sought to find my power in another to regain Something I mistakenly believed to be missing in me Like Dorothy, what I set outside to find I had inside me the whole entire time : ) ~Gretchen Blycker |
Problematic Sexual Behaviors
HER BODY IS MY STIMULANT
Poem about problematic pornography use and sexual objectification.
Her body is my stimulant
That I use for my own arousal. I pick and choose from the types and forms That are sure to boost a strong revival. I like how all those bodies curve In such seductive ways. I feel excitement looking at figures And I chase more to ride the waves. A smile spreads across my face When my eyes devour that sexiness. I want to see what lies beneath And play underneath that dress. I look for sexy nakedness To see parts displayed for me. With so many ladies I feel like a king Whose harem is special for me. I binge on as many naked parts As it takes to get me off. When I finish the high quickly fades. To the idea there is more, I just scoff. I don’t see her as a whole sentient being, Never mind as a sister or a mother. To me she fulfills a purpose And then when she doesn’t, I look for another. It’s so helpful not to know or care What she might be experiencing (a troublesome distraction to me), In the depths of her being. When I need a surge and I’m underwhelmed By the contents of which I see, I go back to my favorites of what has been filmed, My “old faithfuls”, waiting for me. Those bodies are my stimulants I privately like to consume. I just don’t let myself ever see How alone I am in this room. ~Gretchen Blycker |
GUEST LIST
Poem about longing to feel sexually connected with a partner in a romantic relationship who focuses instead on sexual fantasy.
I noticed I’m not on
Your guest list Of who you entertain In the erotic theater Happening in your head Is it because I’m not a performer? That I don’t play pretend? That I want real connection instead? I wonder if you… Hear me? See me? Feel me? I’m just 10 feet away Over here on this bed… ~Gretchen Blycker |
VAPID EYE
Poem about being consumed by digital sexual imagery that creates a disconnection within oneself and with a partner.
This vapid eye gaze
For some, is quite the Habitual look these days Electronically hypnotized During periodic moments Caught by mesmerizing displays It’s a kind of zombie Look of being in a haze Of not really here… Consumed by a chase Of experiences that will offer a Rapid high towards release All this transfixion outside Creates cloudy vision- A kind of blind third eye I wonder if you will Awaken or learn To see more clearly? Your eyes appear open But you don’t really see me… Your body is here with me… Though your mind is Far away in fantasy Enjoying your own orgy reverie ~Gretchen Blycker |
CONFUSION
Poem about the harms of integrating abuse, shame, and humiliation fantasies with sexual arousal templates.
It’s hot in your head
But harmful and illegal If you bring this fantasy Into your body and bed. Perhaps an advisory warning Might help confusion prevention? WARNING: Confusion may arise if you masturbate to: Women being raped or used Children being sexually abused Or things you’d be horrified to see on the news ~Gretchen Blycker |
PUPPET OR MASTER
Poem about pornography induced erectile functioning problems and the choice to awaken authentic sexuality and sexual empathy.
I’m not sure how I became
Disconnected from my own true power And from being the compassionate Master of myself and my own domain Let me share with you my story Of how I experienced a change With what started seemingly benign Then began to infiltrate my mind… In ways that shaped my sexuality And informed what I believed I liked Bit by bit, from the inside of me My body functioned so well sexually From my daily doses of feel good treasure Of enjoying the visual treats of eye candy And viewing exciting scenes at my own leisure It took me a while to notice the changes Of how my private habits of viewing pleasure Began to uncouple the connection within My embodied sexuality in great measure… Because my online experiences included an orgasmic high I didn’t feel a motivation to bid my porn consumption goodbye Until I began to notice how these strengthening pathways Started to take over my body in unwelcome and surprising ways Let’s just say, it was hard to give up- Until I realized I wouldn’t get hard… When I wanted to get down With my partner- and this flipped my Sense of sexual self-esteem quickly up-side-down… Now, I’m motivated to be more curious And stop to look for a bigger view By wondering how this affects my soul And the ways I manage to Keep myself whole? It just might be that I’m Compartmentalizing myself And keeping my porn beliefs Tucked away on a shelf So they don’t interfere With my regular day And how I want myself and others To see me in a certain way Now that I’m shining this light… The thing that gives me The biggest fright Is the question as to how I am impacted if I allow Myself to be convinced Of this common porn view: That the women shown in porn Truly like to be adorned With ejaculate all over their faces While they are stripped of Their inherent Feminine Graces? What happens to my mind When my sexuality hides Behind a veil of denial That protects me from Guilt or shame that I feel From getting off by seeing Another’s humiliation and pain? That is enough…I’m slowing down now To clear all this clutter in my mind In order to discover what is authentically me I’m detangling what was planted there From what I’ve seen in pornography And what I feel, sense and see Inside of me that resonates with my totality By sensing my inherent aliveness, inner drive And my personal flow of energy I am connecting with my own source of vitality In this process, I have begun to free Myself from being a puppet Of the online porn industry ~Gretchen Blycker |
Mindful Connecting Communication
LOVE'S HEALING grace
Poem about communication dynamics in relationships, misunderstanding a partner’s post traumatic reactivity, learning about traumatic arousal, and creating safety and connection through empathy and love. (*note: please feel free to change pronouns)
Let’s just call [her/him/them] “crazy”
Why is she so upset?? She cries, she pleads… She attacks, I concede. I don’t know why this is?! I try and figure her out. I do my best and yet, Her perpetual past is what I get. What this has to do with me, For the life of me I cannot see. Women are so emotional... I just don’t understand The things that come from her mouth…? It’s not easy being a man. How awesome would it be If she were calm and Reasonable…. like me? Let me be clear- I want the care, The affection, The attention, And the Love… Without the messiness And complications Of this confusing Crazi-ness! Why does her past hurt Impact ME and us now? Hmm, this has got me thinking, Why I prefer them young, Before all this messy damage Has already happened and been done. I wonder what it would be like If we could travel back in time And stop the harm, the hurt, the pain… To prevent it from becoming her bane, And what gets in the way Of her joy… and mine. Maybe what at first I perceive as Crazy, Is simply her call to me…? To stop. Pay attention. Listen with love… So I can hear, feel, see… to understand What happened to her way back then? When her Fear comes though It clouds the Love that’s here. Things between us get chilly And I feel she places blame on me. If I stay open and keep space between us warm I remain grounded in what I know now, And practice being a safe shelter in this storm. When I do, I can be present. I ask her to tell me everything. Tell me your story. Tell me your pain. Tell me what happened And together we will make sure That it doesn’t again. Maybe what I perceive as “Crazy” (or angry, or fearful?) Is what is unhealed from the past? So now, when “crazy” shows up, I meet her with Love And something quite magical happens… When presence, love and safety Are what “crazy” meets at the door Who emerges is someone who is soft, Gentle and kind- not “crazy” anymore. I see her vulnerability And her beautiful radiant spirit. She is fragile, she is strong. She is a warrior singing her war song, That she believed would protect her, Though it ultimately acts to isolate her. Let’s not call her crazy. What she needs is understanding. Not my defensive posture, Or anyone’s strong manhandling. She and I make an agreement That we each lay our weapons down. Let us be clear about what was done then And what is happening now. I reach for her hand from this clear, calm, safe place And I listen wholeheartedly to her. She softens and opens, then listens to me. This completely changes how we see each other. The goal here is love and not saving face. It is in these quiet defenseless moments That we are visited by Love’s healing Grace. Here we find freedom, my lover and I, From the hurt and harm of the past. Connection now happens and love wins instead. Understanding yields trust which leads to connection: The foundation for safety, playfulness and joy. When we create this, we let go of our fear. And allow Love to inform our choices. Without understanding there is little hope, For ignorance and denial Are the fertile and enabling seeds for harm, That perpetuate the cycle of pain. When I lack understanding Of her and she of me, We ride the roller coaster of drama. Insanity inhabits an unclear mind, That cycles the same without any change. With clarity and love we choose to get off, The ride that became so painful. Let there be consciousness. Let there be understanding. Let there be Love and light. From now on, When I perceive “crazy”, I will wonder where fear is? I will stop and survey the scene. I will look inside me and ask about her And will not allow fear to set up residence here. When she is sad or afraid, When feelings stir deep, I will be curious (and not asleep!) About the emotional world Alive in her body. I will learn to understand the music That moves through her, In order to meet her halfway, Until we connect And learn to resonate And play our duet. This is peace, love, and sanity for me. ~Gretchen Blycker |
letter to my lover
Expressing in letter form, desires about creating sexual and emotional connection in relationship and navigating boundaries with pornography use.
Dear Lover,
I deeply value and appreciate your sharing with me your attention, time, energy, love and care. They are incredibly powerful and I cherish them. Time and attention are limited and love is limitless and how we each choose to focus them is important and impactful to you, me and us. Things between us feel best for me when I feel connected with you. I am grateful for the sexual connection we share. I would also like to convey to you some of my feelings and thoughts about sexuality, eroticism, and sensuality in personal, interpersonal, and universal domains. It is important to me that together, you and I create a safe place to share and feel accepted in our uniqueness and differences, without it feeling threatening. I want to be sure not to judge, shame, or put you down in any way regarding our differences. Please let me know if you feel this happening. According to Tantric philosophy, sexual energy is the highest form of energy in the world. It is incredibly powerful energy and how it is expressed matters; it can heal but it can also harm. In all of my sexual experiences with you I have felt these energies in the most deliciously amazing and positive ways. My body celebrates when you touch me- there is an abundance of joy, pleasure, love and a desire to be open and generous in giving and receiving all these positive energies with you. I feel like I want to protect the sacredness of what I experience with you. I am also noticing that you and I both have many differences regarding past experiences in relationships and uses of external sources of sexual material. I am inviting both of us to reevaluate and possibly let go of some past sexual scripts, choices, behavior or thinking so we can co-create what is authentic, true, real, and beautiful for our relationship and connection management. Let's clear this sexual space between us so we can discover what arises for us; what we each uniquely have to share and show and explore together that comes from the deepest place of our soulful being, so that behaviors, habits, preferences or problems from past experiences or partners don't interfere with what's happening between us now. The prevalence of internet pornography use is high. I imagine that since you’ve shared with me your history of viewing online porn, that it may have been part of your private sexual space to experience your erotic feelings, desires, stimulation, fun, imagination, expression of energy, and orgasmic bliss. I wonder if it’s significance for you has less to do with the people in the scenes or roles of characters in the stories, than it has to do with the evocation of experiences within yourself, your body, mind, and erotic energy. My guess is that porn has been a part of a means or a conduit for you to experience your sexuality. Please correct any of my interpretations, understandings, or meaning making I have attempted to convey that don’t fit for you. I don't want to project anything on you that is not true for you, I deeply desire to understand you and rely on your help to do so. I am seeking to understand you in deeper ways and I, in turn, need that as well. I am also seeking to let go of things that do not serve me any longer and am open to renewal and the intention of letting things be new. I want to be clear that I am open to and accepting to all of you. I want to be clear in that I want you to continue to have all those positive feelings. I want you to experience sexual ecstasy, playfulness, adventure, creativity, and I want you to experience an abundance of erotic energy. I also want for you to feel safe, cared for, understood, known and deeply loved. I'd like to propose an experiment for us. Given the unknown origin of much of the sexual material online, I am asking that we each reflect on this question in formulating guiding principles for choosing material or inspiration for erotic stimulation: “Can I be fairly certain that there wasn’t anybody harmed (ie: some kind of vulnerability exploited that contributed to the circumstances of a person ending up in the sex industry or material that was posted without consent, etc.) during any process of the creation or sharing of the content in order to entertain others?" Where and how energy is sourced is important to me and I do not want to be a part of a sexual experience that was fueled by or made possible in any way as a result from another person’s suffering. So, another way to phrase this question is, "was there anybody harmed, used, manipulated, or exploited so another could reach a level of arousal within body and mind for an orgasm?" I acknowledge that it may be impossible to know the details about, or trauma history of, every naked person online, but it doesn’t negate the negative impact of people being exploited. These people you say are merely pixelated images ARE REAL and they matter to me. Their bodies, their emotions, their experiences, and their lives all matter to me. In addition to my beliefs about living in ways that do not contribute to harming others, I am also concerned that a dependency on pornography, in an attempt to express and celebrate sexuality and erotic energy, may instead in some way contribute to feelings of disconnection between us. What I am proposing for us requires making different choices and letting go of some of what we have experienced, known, and believed. I worry that if you continue your past habits of consuming porn, that it will become a barrier to connecting with me. I want that all future orgasms can be celebrated with pleasure, joy and ecstasy knowing that no actual people were harmed for the creation of erotic sexual energy. I want our erotic energy to be inspired by a playfulness informed by love. I want that we can move forward together with clear and positive sexual karma and without unnecessary burdens. I love you so deeply. I am asking for your help in protecting the beauty of what we are creating together. Love, An Aspiring Awakened Aphrodite/Adonis |
diamonds
Poem about identifying one’s inner light and sexual illumination that is cared for by tantric meditation, respect-based sexuality and communicating boundaries in a relationship that honors and protects a shared sexual space.
I gave you diamonds
I mined them from Places deep inside I saw that you tossed Them across the sand On beaches- World Wide Seeing this, makes me Wonder how special To you they could be? I want to search the sand To recover them back Because they mean Something sacred to me These diamonds are reflections of my Illuminated sacred sexuality And the beaches are full of pixelated Specks from streams of pornography The precious light of my diamonds Gets lost there among All the cold and stony sand So, I search them out And I pick them up Tenderly with my hand To make sure they have A loving place to land As I bring them back Home with me As I convey this to you- You seem quite surprised That I would interpret Something that you do As hurtful to me So, again, I feel eschewed You say it’s not personal- It’s a habit you’ve had And in it, you mean no harm And nothing that is bad Taking in your response I feel even more lonely… And not understood… I’m wishing you would show me How much you respect me And learn to see our sexuality as Holy I ask for your hands And gaze deep in your eyes As I courageously open myself up Again- to share from my deepest insides “I feel you’re not quite understanding This gift that I’m giving” I say, as I reach out for you “What we are sharing is Divine And how you are behaving Is showing me I am casting My pearls before swine” I see emotion flicker From deep in your eyes As you allow yourself to finally see And resonate with me Your heart is now hurting too As we are open and flowing In our empathic dance of two Now, we allow… Our mutual understanding To inform our shared meaning About how to care for this Sacred sexual space We together are creating We discover the irony about Chasing those fantasy mirages Among foreign beaches is not Where true treasure is found You see, The light from these diamonds Found deeply inside me Are not such a tangible thing It’s not something to chase Seek to possess, or something Someone else can really ever take This is a reflection of our light That we all have in common We must practice sex with respect Or there will be so much here at stake I see in your eyes now That you are open to this truth And to this deep and wise understanding How lucky are we To live this freely Here together In this light-filled universe Between us together We learn we don’t have to travel far To be bathed in this beautiful energy Of the sun, the moon and the stars ~Gretchen Blycker |
empathy is the bridge
Poem about creating freedom from problematic effects of limiting scripted gender roles and awakening empathy.
My heart finally feels the hurt of
Another’s pain and fear Although, I am aware That there were times That it appeared I didn’t care It takes much work and effort To understand another’s role When I’m consistently assigned The same part to play It makes it difficult To see things a different way The writers of these scripts Continue to reinforce Engendered limitations Of what is possible to bring forth What we then feel entrapped by is A chasm of great divide; Of us vs. them, of me vs. you And on and on it goes… Until our lives are through… It seems impossible to reach A shared perspective or Mutual understanding When we would figuratively Have to walk on air In order to get ourselves over there This is how our cultural scripts Perpetuate our gender wars By putting us on opposite teams And pushing us to the Masculine/feminine extremes We get messages and lists of Expectations and behaviors And are told to keep ourselves In check, and to never ever waiver Or show our authentic feelings about How we each are affected By wearing these masks That come with many rigid tasks When I remove my mask And shed the scripted role I build a bridge to you And travel step by step To bring myself to get A better sense of you Through a more inclusive Illuminated, and holistic view When I am open to feeling The embodied effects of All my emotions I learn to imagine Those same sensations Happening inside of you I imagine I am you and you are me And I search within my whole And complete emotional inventory In seeking to understand you, I put myself in your place And I try things on until you tell me that I found the same feeling that Is the right fitting for the emotion I see expressed through your face Here we resonate and discover Emotional language To translate our personal Experiences across a perceived Divide that transforms into a Felt sense of a shared inside Of tenderness, empathy and Connecting care We all benefit by this skill building Of awakening our empathy And opening so a higher wisdom Can shine through As this truth and knowing that Empathy is the bridge And the gateway to loving Understanding and connecting ~Gretchen Blycker |