POEMS

Shine Your Light I Sexual Enlightenment

These poems written by Gretchen Blycker are offered as an exploration of various human experiences and convey expressions of inner emotions, sexual feelings, and relational dynamics that our verbal codes and contexts of language are often insufficient to capture with accuracy. The poems are informed by the collective stories of over 1,000 people, including students and clients who have shared their celebrations, struggles, pain, and healing journeys with Gretchen.

The themes explored include: sexual enlightenment, cultural enlightenment, healing from sexual harm, problematic sexual behaviors, and mindful connected communication in relationships. Throughout the poems, feel free to click on the hyperlinked words to access peer-reviewed research and other resources that explore the content themes.

Another suggestion, if you choose to read or listen to selected audio versions of these poems, is that you do so while mindfully observing what arises in you as you take in the information.

Be curious about your reactions.
What resonates, what doesn’t?
If you could change parts of the words, messages, perspectives, dynamics, metaphors, etc. to be more in alignment with you, how and what would you change?
What is familiar or foreign?
Are there any memories or images that are evoked for you? Are there any new or different perceptions or perspectives that you identify?
Can you practice imagining yourself in any of the masculine/feminine perspectives from which the different voices in the poems speak?
Please feel free to change the gender of the pronouns; the intention is not to be heteronormative or gender-limiting, but inclusive and honoring of individual differences.
Process information from your inner world through art, music, movement, journaling, storytelling...use your voice to express your poetry.

Sexual Enlightenment

An Awakened Aphrodite

Poem about the enlightened expression of the feminine, anima, yin, or dakini tantric practitioner.

An Awakened Aphrodite
Brings wisdom to the wild
Sacred to the sexy
Dharma to all drama

An Awakened Aphrodite knows
Nirvana and ecstasy
And is not beguiled by the trappings of
Delusion, illusion, or fantasy

An Awakened Aphrodite does not use sexuality to exploit another
Sexual expression is informed by compassion and is free of manipulation
Sexuality is offered as a gift to be shared
Not as a commodity to be paid for, sold…or taken

An Awakened Aphrodite honors her own and
Others’ boundaries and commitments
She doesn't tease, push, or play in ways that may create harm
She is honest
She has a purity of light and heart that informs her playful wildness

She is generous
She delights in the shining of other goddesses
She is not poisoned by the spirit of competition or comparison
She does not take from others

An Awakened Aphrodite allows the erotic
To move through her
She radiates love
She speaks truth from her heart

She directs light to choice and freedom
For the out of control or enslaved
She demands a safe and loving play space
And presence is the key to access the garden of pleasure

She is intimately familiar with the landscape of her body
Yet, she continues her discovery of pathways of pleasure
Again and again and again
With each new experience

She finds bliss in the dance of giving and receiving
She is masculine and feminine
She is power and grace
An Awakened Aphrodite is Love

~Gretchen Blycker

Coast near the Sanctuary of Aphrodite, Paphos, Cyprus. Photo by Marc Potenza

An Awakened Adonis

Poem about the enlightened expression of the masculine, animus, yang, or daka tantric practitioner.

An Awakened Adonis
Draws deep from within
His purpose fueled vision
That serves not only him

He’s devoted and focused
Uniting the powers of both his
Beautiful body and mind
To serve his most loving desires

He knows how to surrender
The armor he wears
As he lets another in
He’s not ruled by his fears

An Awakened Adonis
Consults his heart’s knowing
Assures safety before acting
And leaves another glowing

His eroticism is love-minded
And his touch is like magic
That both melts and arouses
Pure pleasure- (nothing tragic…!)

His desire is not unbridled
Nor uncoupled from his heart
But is focused, free, and flowing
Through all his sentient parts

His outgoing energy penetrates deeply inside
Reaching the place where Holy presides
He finds peace in his pleasure
And a love here together

An Awakened Adonis
Knows true courage
Comes not from defending
But instead from truth telling

An Awakened Adonis
Can be gentle, can be strong
Can be EVERYTHING…
No emotion is rendered to be wrong

An Awakened Adonis
Derives delight in connection
In the flow of the give and receive
When he ceases his chase, and opens instead
He finds this is where joy is conceived

~Gretchen Blycker

Statue in the garden at Chateau de Versailles, France. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

THE LIGHT WITHIN THIS HOME

Poem about mind/body/spirit connection and practicing skillful mindful connected sex.

One of my favorite things about this physical world
Is this body I own
I continue to learn and practice how to live within
In order to care for my sacred human home.

My body is my temporary house-
A vehicle, and interactive communicator
My body is rich with information and sensation,
Which requires direct in-the-moment interpretation

My body keeps me grounded, present, and engaged
With all that is happening NOW
Although-(admittedly), it’s also quite easy for
My mind to wander and allow…

My thoughts to travel to an imagined future…
Or return back to a troublesome past…!
Thoughts can run WILD, which is precisely why,
I return my focus to feeling my body, which is steadfast

My experiences include my body and mind,
Although they also transcend them too
I learn much by feeling into all of me,
And extend my awareness to feel into you anew

From this expansive place of presence
We each sense the light within
I can see and feel your warmth illuminating
From the central core of your being

You know not to mistake my body
For the totality of me
You see and feel my light within
And somehow this allows us to be free

In our together exploration
of pleasurable connection
When you learn to see the light within
I feel safe to welcome you in

~Gretchen Blycker

Petra Tou Rominou, Beach of Aphrodite, Paphos, Cyprus. Photo by Marc Potenza

THIS MEETING PLACE

Poem about tantric sexual meditation practice.

Lover, take my hand
Walk with me
To the edges of this land
Towards the erotic sea

Where we are made of energy
Of yours, of mine
And all a part of a connection that is
Love Divine

This brings us deeper
Into a warm rushing flow
That travels through me
And into you as I let go

You bring your lips to mine
And I welcome you in
As you blanket
Your love around me

Feel and listen to how
Our bodies press and talk...
Slide and glide…
From caressing on the surface to
Going deep, deep inside…

Where we find a river
To dive right in
As we travel in this flow
That we feel when we both let go

I find my way to dive into you
And open to you diving into me too
I am deeply grateful for this meeting place
That is at the interface
Of where heaven meets earth below

~Gretchen Blycker

(Xwejni Bay, Gozo) Photo by Gretchen Blycker

INNER SANCTUM

Poem about a lifetime journey of exploration and learning through the inherent suffering natural to human experiences, choosing a path of meditation and mindfulness, and discovery of spiritual realms through sacred sexuality.

My inner sanctum
Took me years to discover
Because it required me to recover
And heal my abandoned
And wounded parts

In my journey of healing and wholeness
I traveled through the mazes of my mind
Puzzled at times about which path to take
That would lead me to the light
And not, to my True-Self forsake

Chose a couple of
Dead end routes
And learned much
Along the way…

My journey took me places where
I could collect many life lessons
From which I extracted knowledge
Regarding things that I did not learn about in college

This became wisdom
Imprinted on my soul
And year by year
Allowed myself to grow

I survived through the
Long Dark Night
And made my way to the
Land of the midnight sun

I meditated step by step through
A labyrinth whose path
Would lead me to this goal…
To the inner sanctum and
Home for my soul

You have traveled
Your own unique path that
Brought you here to
A gift that we both share-
Our soul-filled love affair

Now we give each other maps
To the routes that take us
Here to the antechamber
Of love’s sacred door

To enter into the inner sanctum
Where we connect through
Sacred and love inspired sex

Energy circles through me
And back into you…
In this inner sanctum, we share love’s grace
That exists beyond time and space

~Gretchen Blycker

Hagar Qim, megalithic temple from 3500 BC, Malta. Photo by Rene Rossignaud

ANCIENT MEMORY

Poem about sacred sexuality, the ego’s self-preserving mission of control, and the wisdom from mystery schools throughout the ages.

Have you heard the persistent whisperings
Arising from echoes of ancient memory?
They came through to me as a melodic cacophony
As I was held in buoyancy in the Dead Sea

We have been imprinted to link
The sacred with our sexuality,
Though it’s quite easy to get confused and tangled up
With our urges and cravings from neurobiology

Our egos can take our physical bodies
For a neurochemical joy ride
Producing a sexually seductive natural high

Yet~ Without our connection to the Divine
We lose our light filled way

Here is a time-honored truth:
Grasping onto a spark of perceived joy
And treating others as if they are a toy
Will only create a pathway to eventual pain

This ethereal light cannot be captured
Stolen, devoured, or owned
Try as one may -
It will only lead to distortion
And not to equanimity in any kind of way

No one can hypnotize, mesmerize, tantalize,
Or connive their way to the heavens
That will never be the way

The way is a sacred path,
A love lit path,
A gentle path
That opens to the far reaches of the universe

Surrender this egoic grasp
For power and control
And you will see that you are a wave
In the oceanic seas of humanity

A part of the WHOLE
An expression of the DIVINE
Our small mind is limited
And our divine mind is EVERYTHING
Know the difference and open to this mystery
Of freedom found in ancient memory

~Gretchen Blycker

Fertility objects and aniconic stone at the Sanctuary of Aphrodite Palaepafos, Pathos, Cyprus. Photos by Marc Potenza and Gretchen Blycker

Primordial mother

I experienced a primal wound
And in a state of child-like powerlessness
I lifted my bow and selected my arrow
From the quiver of heart-hurting pain

The poison I placed on the tip
Morphed from hurt into hate
From a confused state
Of abandonment and fear

I found that if I projected my anger
At the source of my pain
I would access energy to deal
With the perceived enemy
And the perpetrator of chaos in
My nine-year old brain

He infiltrated the sacred boundaries
Of the circle of love that I knew
And stole from the family crown
Our one and only Mother jewel

As she was praying 🙏
He was preying 👀🏹
And laying out a plan
Of deceit, deception and
The abuse of trust
From our entire clan

Gaslighting occurred
As he planted the seeds
For her to distrust herself-
Those around her and
To only make gospel his word

He saw her radiant light
And he wanted to possess it
He experienced her magical touch
And he became quite drunk off it
He felt her loving nurturing spirit
And he sought to corral it
To serve only his self-centered motives
That would flare up in anger
If she would dare to share
Her abundant loving nature with others

She was possessed
And the chains of her entrapment
Were not visible to most others

The bonds of her enslavement
Were not the kind that you see
They’re the kind that causes slight insanity
And a misrepresentation of clear reality

It happens in a syndrome
That is named after Stockholm
And in various contorted entanglements
That confuse one’s inner worth
By attaching it to their captor’s mirth
As they see their enslaver as their savior

Now the story has played out
And the Mother jewel he flew away with
Has ended her time on this earth

May She be free,
May She be free
To radiate as sparkling light divine
Unencumbered by life’s confusing
Mazes and storms which created an illusion
That only appeared to dim Love’s Eternal Shine

Some sort of spell-like confusion
Seems to be lifting…
The clearing of the fog is revealing…
That the primal abandonment wound
I have attached to my story
Is not one that began after she left

The origin of the separation myth
Happened in a confused time
Somewhere dark and deep in the human mind

There is ultimate unity that transcends
The ego-centrality of the limited
Human brain’s perceptions and memory
That inform this false belief
Of separateness and duality
Which is the source of much pain here on earth

Spiritual cosmology
Supports non-duality
And living with awareness
Of the inherent divinity that sparks
Our radiant life-force energy
And connects us all to the
Primordial Mother Totality

This awareness may help heal
My fractured mind and ever searching soul
With the orientation that I am already whole

I can now loosen my grasp on this distorted goal
That I need something outside of me
That would fill a “missing-mother-hole”

We have never been disconnected
From the Primordial Mother Source Divine

Seeds of forgiveness are planted
And grow from my heart as I let go
And allow past quivers of hurt and pain
To be healed, soothed,
And softened, to regain an
Awareness of the vast expanse of
Cosmic Mother’s Love

That sparks the dance
Of all that is manifest
From which we can learn to see and
Draw from to support us in
Awakening from this ego-minded trance

As for the perceived enemy
And thief of the Mother jewel?
I have no judgment of him to rule
And I respect the operating laws of
Dharma and karma as
I choose to let go of my inner drama

Acknowledging this truth
And practicing forgiveness
Doesn’t negate the impact of this
Early-life wounding attachment-trauma

It does however offer the salve
Of the healing truth of Unity
That includes and transcends
Our mind/body/spirit totality
With diamond-like indestructible wisdom
That cuts through the illusion
And misperception that we
Exist as completely separate entities

The eternal truth in this matter
Is that we are all connected
Beyond the physical
To our mater, the universal source
Our shared Primordial Mother

~Gretchen Blycker

View from Hagar Qim, megalithic temple from 3500 BC, overlooking Filfla Island, Malta. Photo by Marc Potenza

Summer Solstice Chamber with Oracle Hole at Hagar Qim, a megalithic temple from 3500 BC, Malta. Photo by Marc Potenza

Cultural Enlightenment

THINGS IM TOLD

Poem about pornography informed sexual scripts and learnings from ancient practices of tantric sexual yoga and meditation.

I’m told wanting
Generous doses of
Love with my sex
Makes me vanilla
And boring
And not so adventurous

I’m told not to worry
About violence creeping
And crawling through online scenes
As it spreads and sows its seeds
Transforming our glorious sexuality

I’m told I’m too sensitive
And I don’t understand
What men
Long to see-
Though it doesn’t seem to matter
What it might do to me

I’m told my mind is way too narrow
And sterilizing-ly clean
If I bring my lens to what some deem
“Exciting sex”
And to me- it’s honestly obscene
And makes my body cringe and close
In response to the imagery seen on the screen

I’m told I’m SO Victorian
And an uptight outright prude
If my eyes open wide
When I see things that
Make me want to hide-
And not eat from fruit
Grown from seeds of
Disrespect and rape
That are populating our
Most intimate landscape

I’m told that my pleasure
Is not that important
That my role has better things in store

I’m told that others’ wants
Trump my symphony of desires
So instead, I’m given a score
And am rated on a scale
Of how well I do
At making myself something
That is pleasurable to you

In my lifetime
I’ve done a lot of listening
So now, allow me to tell you
Something from a
Source of divine sexual awakening

From this ancient and wise source, I’m told;
That Love is a powerful force
And if we water our seeds of
Sexual desire with love-
Pleasure, health, mutual care and
Respect spring forth

I’m told when we tend
Our gardens this way
We bring shared ecstasy and
Unending pleasures to our play
Because it turns out, that
Love is what surges within
As waves of pure bliss
Roll through my body
With each loving kiss

I’m told that there is
Endless knowledge and mystery
That went underground
For periods of our His-story

I’m told if we make
Our sexual world safe
We will wake up
To a knowing
That keeps ALL of us glowing

I’m told we are free
To explore the Mystery
As awakened beings
Bringing love
To our sexuality

~Gretchen Blycker

Hathor and Seti from Egypt circa 1550 BCE, Louvre Museum, Paris, France. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

AGAIN, WE RISE

Poem about scapegoating as a strategy throughout history for silencing and terrorizing others into submission.

The hot waves of fear
Shake me to my core
Creating a trembling which
Reaches into the intricate
Threadlike fibers of my being

My insides flip and change
In response to the outside
Where kind, soft, warm eyes
Now ice over, recoil
And see me
As the new ENEMY

I’m being burned and blamed
A lightning rod for others’
Anger, fear, and pain

They scapegoat and shame
Yet the phoenix energy persists
And again, we rise from the ashes

~Gretchen Blycker

Mary Magdalene, by Gregor Erhart 1502 CE, Louvre Museum, Paris, France. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

SITTING IN JUDGEMENT

Poem about how women’s judgement of themselves and each other contributes to cultural, intrapersonal, and interpersonal problems.

She says she has dirt on me-
That she’d be excited to share
Though she may not realize
That others might not really care

Please feel free to send along
This message when next you see her:

I’m happy to share more
Piles of dirt on me
So, she can spread it around
To anyone she might see

If that’s what lights her up…
It’s not really a bother to me

I usually use the dirt I create
And put it in a big compost pile
For it to sit out in the sun and marinate…

Then I work with the rich earthy elements
To transform them into
Learning from life’s many lessons

I spread this gold-like soil around
My gardens-
From which glorious growth abounds

I’m happy to share my dirt with her
Though I’m not sure if her spreading it around
Might produce the same beautiful ground?

Perhaps she could try to repurpose her own
And tend to her garden if she cares
To step away from her throne?

~Gretchen Blycker

Hangzhou, China. Photo by Marc Potenza

Feilai Feng Grottoes, Hangzhou, China. Photo by Marc Potenza

Art from Wraldemarsudde, Prince Eugen’s home on Djurgarden, Stockholm, Sweden. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

SOUL-FILLED HUMAN BEINGS

Poem about the felt and lived experiences of boundary violations enabled by objectification culture.

I don't want to be “attractive”
Is that at all surprising?
To understand me, just recall a
Felt sense of fear in you arising

How does your body show you
When your boundary has been crossed?
Does your skin crawl?
Does your heart pound?
Do you feel safe here at all?

There were many years before this that
The world seemed much more friendly
I felt more open and had trust in people aplenty
However, as I grew…
I noticed some eyes took on an altered view

Some eyes seem to scan
Up and down over parts of me
Although their eyes follow
Over the contours they see
I never feel they realize the Whole of me

What at first seems like a blessing
Then turns out to be a curse
When the blessing becomes like a
Bulls eye targeting you for the potential worst

This is the kind of attention that
Alerts you to know that you are prey
The hungry gaze might be used to intimidate
And is possibly a preamble to violate

It seems that eyes that wander
From a place of bottomless hunger
Are blind to boundaries
And might not know love or peace

I fear if I let my happiness show
There may be some who interpret this glow
And friendliness as an invitation to dinner,
Specifically- an open door to DINE ON ME

NO, I don't want to be “attractive”
And attract the likes of that.
So, from a place deep within
An inner voice screams, “No!”

I don't want to be “attractive”
And be misunderstood
That my looks or my light
Are an invitation
Rolling out the red carpet
For your private delight

Don't feast those eyes on me
I'm not for others’ consumption
I am a soul-filled human being

Don’t reduce or confuse me
With pixelated images seen on a screen
I’m a soul-filled human being

~Gretchen Blycker

Byron's sea cave, Porto Venere, Italy. Photo by Marc Potenza

SORRY, NOT SORRY- TIME'S UP

Poem about cultural mores throughout history, how image-based obsessions lead to disconnection, gender-based harassment and violence, and how we are awakening a collective consciousness as evidenced through Me Too, Time’s Up and more.

I’d like to bring up a topic that
Might trigger some sensations
That often get a bad name
And show up inside as
Discomfort, guilt or shame…

The topic here is SEX
And the cultural mores
Regarding what we are being shown
That we should expect to be part of
Everyone’s hand in this sexual game

I hear some people talk about their “body count”
And how this dating scene is like a “field of war”
Where people fill themselves with others “likes”
And numbers of “followers” as a way of keeping score

Somehow sex is being equated with
Watching online what others have done
In another place and time…
I wonder if this obsession with the kind of sex people see
Is rendering us blind to our sexual totality

When you separate your sexual focus
Apart from your wise empathic heart
In order to feed your curious mind
Without a care from the shared place
We all grow from at the start

Things can be diverted
To places you might not
Even intend to ever go
But then- there you are and
Bit by bit, those places
Become normalized- and new
And exciting- all at the same time

I wonder if you are aware there is another way?
Although it would require keeping some old habits at bay…
And working on learning how to
Expand and open your mind
To ancient practices and learnings
From another place and time

Are you open to expanding your beliefs?
And loosening your grip on some habits?
To allow space for a new experience of sexual states and status?

If so, I’ll share with you some secrets
And practices of skill and wisdom from the erotic arts
You will learn to navigate desire from an enlightened place
And you’ll discover that this impacts you and the world around you
In profoundly positive and lasting ways

Listen up- here is some truth:
You hold in your grasp
A mighty powerful tool
That can be conditioned
And nurtured to love and heal
Or can be trained to be
Un-empathic, selfish, and cruel

You have choices,
Therefore, you have consequences to bear
When you choose to stay asleep
And not wake up to care

If you’re responding to this message
With a defensive roll of your eyes,
You just may be filtering this info
Through veils of denial and distortion inside
That conveniently enable your lifelong practices and views
So- sorry, not sorry, if discomfort arises in you

Being awake to inner discomfort is a necessity
Why you ask?

Because,
We cannot create a safe world for All
If some stay comfortably numb
While others continue to fall
To their knees
In deep isolating pain
So ultimately, it is a choice to allow
Our open empathic soft heart
To ache with another’s hurt and bane

There is a collective consciousness that is rising
Shining the light for us all to see
This information seems to be causing
Swells and surges in our sea of humanity
That are rocking our boats and
Contributing to feelings of uneasy instability

Our deep dark ocean is merely bringing
To the surface things that for millennia
Have been choking the healthy life
Of our shared human sexuality
If now things feel quite Stormy,
Perhaps this is to capture our attention

So, sorry, not sorry, that the state of SEX
Is brought up in our worry
Awry for millennia
Time’s Up to correct the imbalances
And to redistribute power in fair and equitable ways

We all benefit by checking in with our whole selves
And assessing our feelings, beliefs, and behaviors
About the sexual world we all share
The pathway to working together to solve
These World-Wide sexual problems
Is to promote respect, care, inner sanctity
And personal sexual sovereignty.

We don’t have the luxury of maintaining
Ignorance or a comfortable state of denial
We will all ultimately be responsible
For how successfully we address these
World-Wide problems
Which will determine our fate
Sorry, not sorry- time’s up

~Gretchen Blycker

Palace of Versailles, Paris, France. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

Parma, Italy. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

Isla Mujeres, Mexico. Photo by Marc Potenza

Laid Bare

Poem about the cultural shaping of sexual roles and how, ultimately, objectified bodies are devalued and voyeuristic eyes are given power and are monetized by industry.

Positive messaging
Might contribute to a
Subversive under-the-radar-route

Where the encouragement of
Sexual exhibitionism is being
Touted as a shortcut to fame

But is actually being used
In a sleight of hand game
From a magician’s bag of
Tricks to expose us instead

That has us choosing
To drop our clothes
Bare our souls
And then think to ourselves that we
Are the ones who are in control-
How might we change this around
So we are not the ones
To be played like clowns?

As those who are seen
As having a job to entertain
The masses
Who give themselves
The job
Of rating…
Our asses…
Laid back in their chairs
Basking in the glow of their screens

Voyeuristic eyes are being commodified
As our inner-worth is being modified
Is this really sexuality glorified?

~Gretchen Blycker

Museo del Bozzetti, Pietrasanta, Italy. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

Obscuration of fear

Poem about tactics that some use to gain power over others and how awakening to non-dualism can create inner freedom.

Evoking fear
Can act like a prison
It’s a wily manipulative power play
For those who want others to only
See things their own singular way

Intimidation is an attempt to lay
Out the invisible barbed wire
To keep others below and at bay

An attempt to prevent
Connection to their own
True authentic power
That would slay
Right through the illusion
Of this gendered power play

~Gretchen Blycker

Budapest, Hungary. Photo by Marc Potenza

Healing From Sexual Harm

VOICES AND CHOICES

Poem about how messaging to young girls may create vulnerabilities to abuse and boundary violations and how harm may be repaired with inner-child work, updating cultural messaging towards health and body autonomy can help heal.

I was taught to be nice
Then I learned how to fight
When these didn’t work
My body took over and took flight

These are the lessons I learned as a girl
Early in my life
At first, my bark would precede my bite
But I was told instead that
Girls should use their ‘sweet inside voices’
This seemed to limit my choices
And rendered me powerless
To the gag tied around my mouth

Do you know what it is like
To have to pretend to be nice
To the person who abuses power over you?

Hoping this will coax him
To change his mind and show him
That it would be so kind
If he wouldn’t mind-
To please loosen his rope
That carries out his vice
Around your wrists and your ankles?

NO- learn another way to respond him
Niceties are NOT what you owe to him
Culturally we need to hear and see
The truth telling voices describing how he
Is part of an outdated harmful system

That allows some to achieve their goals
By using their strength and their power
To intimidate and silence other’s souls

Our world will be healthy, balanced and whole
When we all embody living in harmonious equality
With an enlightened understanding of bodily autonomy

~Gretchen Blycker

Seven year-old playing Amazon warrior // Sea Caves, Ayia Napa, Cyprus

RADIANT SPIRIT RECOVERY

Poem about the unjust and impossible choices for survivors of sexual assault between experiencing victim blaming/slut shaming or soul dwindling silence, and how we need new pathways of support and positive changes.

Let’s explore the question of
Why sexual assault survivors often don’t speak up…?

First- imagine yourself as the one
Emerging from a trauma
Where you had no voice or choice
And only want to move forward
Without any kind of drama

Rather- you seek safer ground
And healing and peace is
What you want found

As you are reeling in shock
Staring at this fork in the road
You see two pathways before you…

The path of speaking up
Leads you to encounter
People who don’t believe you
And forever seek to shame you

They call you a liar
And put you on trial
Say you wear slutty clothes
And actually- are the one causing
Problems with all your lusty desire

The other pathway you see
Provides an escape to the deep
Searing pain of unjust victim blame

This path seems to shield from the harm
Of post-trauma attack, from those
Who would meet you in your most vulnerable
State by stabbing you right in the back

This pathway requires that you stay silent
Because if you say anything about your pain
The information gets sent on a runaway train
That is powered by others’ whispers and voices
And not managed by any of your inner feelings or choices

So, in seeking to heal profound boundary violations
The choice you have to try to regain some control
Is to bury the trauma somewhere deep in your soul

Each day by day,
The path of swallowing your pain
Seems to help you crawl towards some solid terrain
Of promise that helps you to regain
Inner agency needed to get you back on your feet again

The cost of this short-sighted
Self-preserving coping strategy
Is that it starts to dwindle down
Your radiant spirit and life-force energy

These changes may be slow to grow
And may go unnoticed by others until…
Obvious evidence of problems that people see
Are not even attributed to the original
Breach of your boundaries

What they see instead is:
Your depressed and anxious mood…
Your problematic relationship with food…
Your poor performance at school or work…
Or perhaps in your relationships,
You’re told you’re behaving like a jerk…

Looking at these two possible outcomes
It’s no wonder people might not choose to
Bare their vulnerable souls
To report, share or disclose

Neither path is a way to healing
We need new pathways for our loved ones
Who have experienced boundary violations

Shaming them
Blaming them
Or making them invisible
All serve to enable and
Perpetuate this cultural problem

We need to envelope our survivors with love,
I believe you. How can I care for you?
What do you need to have your inner experience
Witnessed and addressed with the utmost
tenderness, care and respect?

Together we can create
A whole new paradigm
That is rooted in love and safety for our
Mind-body radiant-spirit recovery

~Gretchen Blycker

Hokokuji Bamboo Garden, Kamakura, Japan. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

HEALING CONNECTION

Poem about the impact of sexual trauma, path of survivorship, healing, and wholeness.

How can 15 minutes of terror
Seem to affect my life forever?
The power I feel was taken from me
Seems elusive and mysterious
As to where it can be?

Does somebody else possess it?
Can it be found?
How can that trauma still affect me now
So, that there are still times I don’t
Feel safe and sound?
I feel that I have gotten somewhat lost
And perhaps a bit confused
About what I need to feel safe and self-assured
That I will not again be overpowered
Against my own word

I feel something has changed inside of me
Based on what he did to me…? How could that be?

Determined to free myself of this victim role
I begin on a path of reconnection with myself as a goal
And through my own mindfulness-based therapy
I become more clear and learn to see

That the source of the derailment that happened
Originated as a profound boundary violation
Which caused a leak in my field of energy
That I need to be the one to repair
With self-love, respect, and daily tender care

It is a false belief and would be in vain
If I sought to find my power in another to regain
Something I mistakenly believed to be missing in me
Like Dorothy, what I set outside to find
I had inside me the whole entire time : )

~Gretchen Blycker

Aphrodite, Cyprus Museum, Nicosia. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

Aphrodite 1st century BCE, Cyprus Museum Nicosia. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

Problematic Sexual Behaviors

HER BODY IS MY STIMULANT

Poem about problematic pornography use and sexual objectification.

Her body is my stimulant
That I use for my own arousal.
I pick and choose from the types and forms
That are sure to boost a strong revival.

I like how all those bodies curve
In such seductive ways.
I feel excitement looking at figures
And I chase more to ride the waves.

A smile spreads across my face
When my eyes devour that sexiness.
I want to see what lies beneath
And play underneath that dress.

I look for sexy nakedness
To see parts displayed for me.
With so many ladies I feel like a king
Whose harem is special for me.

I binge on as many naked parts
As it takes to get me off.
When I finish the high quickly fades.
To the idea there is more, I just scoff.

I don’t see her as a whole sentient being,
Never mind as a sister or a mother.
To me she fulfills a purpose
And then when she doesn’t, I look for another.

It’s so helpful not to know or care
What she might be experiencing
(a troublesome distraction to me),
In the depths of her being.

When I need a surge and I’m underwhelmed
By the contents of which I see,
I go back to my favorites of what has been filmed,
My “old faithfuls”, waiting for me.

Those bodies are my stimulants
I privately like to consume.
I just don’t let myself ever see
How alone I am in this room.

~Gretchen Blycker

Statue in the garden at Chateau de Versailles, France. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

GUEST LIST

Poem about longing to feel sexually connected with a partner in a romantic relationship who focuses instead on sexual fantasy.

I noticed I’m not on
Your guest list
Of who you entertain
In the erotic theater
Happening in your head

Is it because I’m not a performer?
That I don’t play pretend?
That I want real connection instead?

I wonder if you…
Hear me? See me? Feel me?
I’m just 10 feet away
Over here on this bed…

~Gretchen Blycker

VAPID EYE

Poem about being consumed by digital sexual imagery that creates a disconnection within oneself and with a partner.

This vapid eye gaze
For some, is quite the
Habitual look these days

Electronically hypnotized
During periodic moments
Caught by mesmerizing displays

It’s a kind of zombie
Look of being in a haze
Of not really here…

Consumed by a chase
Of experiences that will offer a
Rapid high towards release

All this transfixion outside
Creates cloudy vision-
A kind of blind third eye

I wonder if you will
Awaken or learn
To see more clearly?

Your eyes appear open
But you don’t really see me…
Your body is here with me…

Though your mind is
Far away in fantasy
Enjoying your own orgy reverie

~Gretchen Blycker

Buddha, National Palace Museum, Taipei, Taiwan. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

CONFUSION

Poem about the harms of integrating abuse, shame, and humiliation fantasies with sexual arousal templates.

It’s hot in your head
But harmful and illegal
If you bring this fantasy
Into your body and bed.
Perhaps an advisory warning
Might help confusion prevention?

WARNING:
Confusion may arise if you masturbate to:
Women being raped or used
Children being sexually abused
Or things you’d be horrified to see on the news

~Gretchen Blycker

Portion of Giotto’s fresco, 1305 CE, Scrovegni Chapel, Padua, Italy. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

PUPPET OR MASTER

Poem about pornography induced erectile functioning problems and the choice to awaken authentic sexuality and sexual empathy.

I’m not sure how I became
Disconnected from my own true power
And from being the compassionate
Master of myself and my own domain

Let me share with you my story
Of how I experienced a change
With what started seemingly benign
Then began to infiltrate my mind…
In ways that shaped my sexuality
And informed what I believed I liked
Bit by bit, from the inside of me

My body functioned so well sexually
From my daily doses of feel good treasure
Of enjoying the visual treats of eye candy
And viewing exciting scenes at my own leisure

It took me a while to notice the changes
Of how my private habits of viewing pleasure
Began to uncouple the connection within
My embodied sexuality in great measure…

Because my online experiences included an orgasmic high
I didn’t feel a motivation to bid my porn consumption goodbye
Until I began to notice how these strengthening pathways
Started to take over my body in unwelcome and surprising ways

Let’s just say, it was hard to give up-
Until I realized I wouldn’t get hard…
When I wanted to get down
With my partner- and this flipped my
Sense of sexual self-esteem quickly up-side-down…

Now, I’m motivated to be more curious
And stop to look for a bigger view
By wondering how this affects my soul
And the ways I manage to
Keep myself whole?

It just might be that I’m
Compartmentalizing myself
And keeping my porn beliefs
Tucked away on a shelf
So they don’t interfere
With my regular day
And how I want myself and others
To see me in a certain way

Now that I’m shining this light…
The thing that gives me
The biggest fright
Is the question as to how
I am impacted if I allow
Myself to be convinced
Of this common porn view:

That the women shown in porn
Truly like to be adorned
With ejaculate all over their faces
While they are stripped of
Their inherent Feminine Graces?

What happens to my mind
When my sexuality hides
Behind a veil of denial
That protects me from
Guilt or shame that I feel
From getting off by seeing
Another’s humiliation and pain?

That is enough…I’m slowing down now
To clear all this clutter in my mind
In order to discover what is authentically me
I’m detangling what was planted there
From what I’ve seen in pornography
And what I feel, sense and see
Inside of me that resonates with my totality

By sensing my inherent aliveness, inner drive
And my personal flow of energy
I am connecting with my own source of vitality
In this process, I have begun to free
Myself from being a puppet
Of the online porn industry

~Gretchen Blycker

Nataraja, the Lord of Dance, whose purpose is to release the souls of men from the snare of illusion. Chola dynasty India, 12th Century CE. Tamil Nadu. At the National Museum, New Delhi, India. Photo by Marc Potenza

Mindful Connecting Communication

LOVE'S HEALING grace

Poem about communication dynamics in relationships, misunderstanding a partner’s post traumatic reactivity, learning about traumatic arousal, and creating safety and connection through empathy and love. (*note: please feel free to change pronouns)

Let’s just call [her/him/them] “crazy”
Why is she so upset??
She cries, she pleads…
She attacks, I concede.

I don’t know why this is?!
I try and figure her out.
I do my best and yet,
Her perpetual past is what I get.
What this has to do with me,
For the life of me I cannot see.

Women are so emotional...
I just don’t understand
The things that come from her mouth…?
It’s not easy being a man.
How awesome would it be
If she were calm and
Reasonable…. like me?

Let me be clear-
I want the care,
The affection,
The attention,
And the Love…
Without the messiness
And complications
Of this confusing Crazi-ness!

Why does her past hurt
Impact ME and us now?
Hmm, this has got me thinking,
Why I prefer them young,
Before all this messy damage
Has already happened and been done.

I wonder what it would be like
If we could travel back in time
And stop the harm, the hurt, the pain…
To prevent it from becoming her bane,
And what gets in the way
Of her joy… and mine.

Maybe what at first I perceive as Crazy,
Is simply her call to me…?
To stop. Pay attention.
Listen with love…
So I can hear, feel, see… to understand
What happened to her way back then?

When her Fear comes though
It clouds the Love that’s here.
Things between us get chilly
And I feel she places blame on me.
If I stay open and keep space between us warm
I remain grounded in what I know now,
And practice being a safe shelter in this storm.

When I do, I can be present.
I ask her to tell me everything.
Tell me your story.
Tell me your pain.
Tell me what happened
And together we will make sure
That it doesn’t again.

Maybe what I perceive as “Crazy” (or angry, or fearful?)
Is what is unhealed from the past?

So now, when “crazy” shows up,
I meet her with Love
And something quite magical happens…
When presence, love and safety
Are what “crazy” meets at the door
Who emerges is someone who is soft,
Gentle and kind- not “crazy” anymore.

I see her vulnerability
And her beautiful radiant spirit.
She is fragile, she is strong.
She is a warrior singing her war song,
That she believed would protect her,
Though it ultimately acts to isolate her.

Let’s not call her crazy.
What she needs is understanding.
Not my defensive posture,
Or anyone’s strong manhandling.
She and I make an agreement
That we each lay our weapons down.
Let us be clear about what was done then
And what is happening now.

I reach for her hand from this clear, calm, safe place
And I listen wholeheartedly to her.
She softens and opens, then listens to me.
This completely changes how we see each other.
The goal here is love and not saving face.
It is in these quiet defenseless moments
That we are visited by Love’s healing Grace.

Here we find freedom, my lover and I,
From the hurt and harm of the past.
Connection now happens and love wins instead.
Understanding yields trust which leads to connection:
The foundation for safety, playfulness and joy.
When we create this, we let go of our fear.
And allow Love to inform our choices.

Without understanding there is little hope,
For ignorance and denial
Are the fertile and enabling seeds for harm,
That perpetuate the cycle of pain.
When I lack understanding
Of her and she of me,
We ride the roller coaster of drama.

Insanity inhabits an unclear mind,
That cycles the same without any change.
With clarity and love we choose to get off,
The ride that became so painful.
Let there be consciousness.
Let there be understanding.
Let there be Love and light.

From now on,
When I perceive “crazy”,
I will wonder where fear is?
I will stop and survey the scene.
I will look inside me and ask about her
And will not allow fear to set up residence here.

When she is sad or afraid,
When feelings stir deep,
I will be curious (and not asleep!)
About the emotional world
Alive in her body.

I will learn to understand the music
That moves through her,
In order to meet her halfway,
Until we connect
And learn to resonate
And play our duet.
This is peace, love, and sanity for me.

~Gretchen Blycker

National Museum, New Delhi, India. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

letter to my lover

Expressing in letter form, desires about creating sexual and emotional connection in relationship and navigating boundaries with pornography use.

Dear Lover,

I deeply value and appreciate your sharing with me your attention, time, energy, love and care. They are incredibly powerful and I cherish them. Time and attention are limited and love is limitless and how we each choose to focus them is important and impactful to you, me and us. Things between us feel best for me when I feel connected with you.

I am grateful for the sexual connection we share. I would also like to convey to you some of my feelings and thoughts about sexuality, eroticism, and sensuality in personal, interpersonal, and universal domains. It is important to me that together, you and I create a safe place to share and feel accepted in our uniqueness and differences, without it feeling threatening. I want to be sure not to judge, shame, or put you down in any way regarding our differences. Please let me know if you feel this happening.

According to Tantric philosophy, sexual energy is the highest form of energy in the world. It is incredibly powerful energy and how it is expressed matters; it can heal but it can also harm. In all of my sexual experiences with you I have felt these energies in the most deliciously amazing and positive ways. My body celebrates when you touch me- there is an abundance of joy, pleasure, love and a desire to be open and generous in giving and receiving all these positive energies with you.

I feel like I want to protect the sacredness of what I experience with you. I am also noticing that you and I both have many differences regarding past experiences in relationships and uses of external sources of sexual material. I am inviting both of us to reevaluate and possibly let go of some past sexual scripts, choices, behavior or thinking so we can co-create what is authentic, true, real, and beautiful for our relationship and connection management. Let's clear this sexual space between us so we can discover what arises for us; what we each uniquely have to share and show and explore together that comes from the deepest place of our soulful being, so that behaviors, habits, preferences or problems from past experiences or partners don't interfere with what's happening between us now.

The prevalence of internet pornography use is high. I imagine that since you’ve shared with me your history of viewing online porn, that it may have been part of your private sexual space to experience your erotic feelings, desires, stimulation, fun, imagination, expression of energy, and orgasmic bliss. I wonder if it’s significance for you has less to do with the people in the scenes or roles of characters in the stories, than it has to do with the evocation of experiences within yourself, your body, mind, and erotic energy. My guess is that porn has been a part of a means or a conduit for you to experience your sexuality.

Please correct any of my interpretations, understandings, or meaning making I have attempted to convey that don’t fit for you. I don't want to project anything on you that is not true for you, I deeply desire to understand you and rely on your help to do so. I am seeking to understand you in deeper ways and I, in turn, need that as well.

I am also seeking to let go of things that do not serve me any longer and am open to renewal and the intention of letting things be new. I want to be clear that I am open to and accepting to all of you. I want to be clear in that I want you to continue to have all those positive feelings. I want you to experience sexual ecstasy, playfulness, adventure, creativity, and I want you to experience an abundance of erotic energy. I also want for you to feel safe, cared for, understood, known and deeply loved.

I'd like to propose an experiment for us. Given the unknown origin of much of the sexual material online, I am asking that we each reflect on this question in formulating guiding principles for choosing material or inspiration for erotic stimulation: “Can I be fairly certain that there wasn’t anybody harmed (ie: some kind of vulnerability exploited that contributed to the circumstances of a person ending up in the sex industry or material that was posted without consent, etc.) during any process of the creation or sharing of the content in order to entertain others?"

Where and how energy is sourced is important to me and I do not want to be a part of a sexual experience that was fueled by or made possible in any way as a result from another person’s suffering. So, another way to phrase this question is, "was there anybody harmed, used, manipulated, or exploited so another could reach a level of arousal within body and mind for an orgasm?" I acknowledge that it may be impossible to know the details about, or trauma history of, every naked person online, but it doesn’t negate the negative impact of people being exploited. These people you say are merely pixelated images ARE REAL and they matter to me. Their bodies, their emotions, their experiences, and their lives all matter to me.

In addition to my beliefs about living in ways that do not contribute to harming others, I am also concerned that a dependency on pornography, in an attempt to express and celebrate sexuality and erotic energy, may instead in some way contribute to feelings of disconnection between us.

What I am proposing for us requires making different choices and letting go of some of what we have experienced, known, and believed. I worry that if you continue your past habits of consuming porn, that it will become a barrier to connecting with me. I want that all future orgasms can be celebrated with pleasure, joy and ecstasy knowing that no actual people were harmed for the creation of erotic sexual energy. I want our erotic energy to be inspired by a playfulness informed by love.

I want that we can move forward together with clear and positive sexual karma and without unnecessary burdens. I love you so deeply. I am asking for your help in protecting the beauty of what we are creating together.

Love,
An Aspiring Awakened Aphrodite/Adonis

Adonis Baths, Paphos, Cyprus. Photo by Gretchen Blycker

diamonds

Poem about identifying one’s inner light and sexual illumination that is cared for by tantric meditation, respect-based sexuality and communicating boundaries in a relationship that honors and protects a shared sexual space.

I gave you diamonds
I mined them from
Places deep inside

I saw that you tossed
Them across the sand
On beaches- World Wide

Seeing this, makes me
Wonder how special
To you they could be?

I want to search the sand
To recover them back
Because they mean
Something sacred to me

These diamonds are reflections of my
Illuminated sacred sexuality
And the beaches are full of pixelated
Specks from streams of pornography

The precious light of my diamonds
Gets lost there among
All the cold and stony sand

So, I search them out
And I pick them up
Tenderly with my hand

To make sure they have
A loving place to land
As I bring them back
Home with me

As I convey this to you-
You seem quite surprised
That I would interpret
Something that you do
As hurtful to me
So, again, I feel eschewed

You say it’s not personal-
It’s a habit you’ve had
And in it, you mean no harm
And nothing that is bad

Taking in your response
I feel even more lonely…
And not understood…

I’m wishing you would show me
How much you respect me
And learn to see our sexuality as Holy

I ask for your hands
And gaze deep in your eyes
As I courageously open myself up
Again- to share from my deepest insides

“I feel you’re not quite understanding
This gift that I’m giving”
I say, as I reach out for you
“What we are sharing is Divine
And how you are behaving
Is showing me I am casting
My pearls before swine”

I see emotion flicker
From deep in your eyes
As you allow yourself to finally see
And resonate with me

Your heart is now hurting too
As we are open and flowing
In our empathic dance of two

Now, we allow…
Our mutual understanding
To inform our shared meaning
About how to care for this
Sacred sexual space
We together are creating

We discover the irony about
Chasing those fantasy mirages
Among foreign beaches is not
Where true treasure is found

You see,
The light from these diamonds
Found deeply inside me
Are not such a tangible thing

It’s not something to chase
Seek to possess, or something
Someone else can really ever take

This is a reflection of our light
That we all have in common
We must practice sex with respect
Or there will be so much here at stake

I see in your eyes now
That you are open to this truth
And to this deep and wise understanding

How lucky are we
To live this freely
Here together
In this light-filled universe

Between us together
We learn we don’t have to travel far
To be bathed in this beautiful energy
Of the sun, the moon and the stars

~Gretchen Blycker

Rock of Aphrodite, Paphos, Cyprus. Photo by Marc Potenza

empathy is the bridge

Poem about creating freedom from problematic effects of limiting scripted gender roles and awakening empathy.

My heart finally feels the hurt of
Another’s pain and fear
Although, I am aware
That there were times
That it appeared I didn’t care

It takes much work and effort
To understand another’s role
When I’m consistently assigned
The same part to play
It makes it difficult
To see things a different way

The writers of these scripts
Continue to reinforce
Engendered limitations
Of what is possible to bring forth

What we then feel entrapped by is
A chasm of great divide;
Of us vs. them, of me vs. you
And on and on it goes…
Until our lives are through…

It seems impossible to reach
A shared perspective or
Mutual understanding
When we would figuratively
Have to walk on air
In order to get ourselves over there

This is how our cultural scripts
Perpetuate our gender wars
By putting us on opposite teams
And pushing us to the
Masculine/feminine extremes

We get messages and lists of
Expectations and behaviors
And are told to keep ourselves
In check, and to never ever waiver

Or show our authentic feelings about
How we each are affected
By wearing these masks
That come with many rigid tasks

When I remove my mask
And shed the scripted role
I build a bridge to you
And travel step by step
To bring myself to get
A better sense of you
Through a more inclusive
Illuminated, and holistic view

When I am open to feeling
The embodied effects of
All my emotions
I learn to imagine
Those same sensations
Happening inside of you

I imagine I am you and you are me
And I search within my whole
And complete emotional inventory

In seeking to understand you,
I put myself in your place
And I try things on until you tell me that
I found the same feeling that
Is the right fitting for the emotion
I see expressed through your face

Here we resonate and discover
Emotional language
To translate our personal
Experiences across a perceived
Divide that transforms into a
Felt sense of a shared inside
Of tenderness, empathy and
Connecting care

We all benefit by this skill building
Of awakening our empathy
And opening so a higher wisdom
Can shine through
As this truth and knowing that
Empathy is the bridge
And the gateway to loving
Understanding and connecting

~Gretchen Blycker

Tongji Bridge (bridge within a bridge), ancient water town of Wuzhen, China. Photo by Marc Potenza

Tongji Bridge, Wuzhen, China. Photo by Gretchen Blycker